peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
