Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
