i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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