Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
