Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
