um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
