So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
