the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
