I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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