Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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