he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I die, sorry about rent.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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