Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
