Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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