I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
