We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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