just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
