when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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