I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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