stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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