McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
