put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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