Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
