Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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