My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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