omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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