all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She bit a glass in half.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
