there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
