we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He has the fingertips of a God
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