Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
