Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I need moral support for this bender
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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