if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize