dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
