then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm always down for nudity.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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