Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We need a shit load of segways right now
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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