This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
