She's JV to your varsity
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize