so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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