We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
