This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize