After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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