the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
