If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize