I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He passed out mid-signature
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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