You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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