Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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