Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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