My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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