His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
