just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize