Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
