its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
