she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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