I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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