...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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