It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
