So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
