I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
