even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
