his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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