Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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