i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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