After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
COCAINE IS GR8
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
