Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
