I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
