I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
