I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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