how can u be prego again
babies were throwing up all over the place
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
