I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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