and next time when you feel me up, do it right
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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