I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
