We should be called the Road Head Warriors
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
