Define "chronic" masturbator.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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