I wish they made helmets for livers.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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