So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
