Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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