to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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