separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize