Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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