Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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