I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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