I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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