As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
