my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
worst night to have a conscience
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize