you guys were way drunker than both of me
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have aggressive nipples.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
