Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Drunk is a universal language darling
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
