it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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