Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
