I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
