I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
