Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize